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MAJOR EXPERIENCE WITH CEREMONY TRADITIONS
When it comes to Weddings, everyone's superstitious. Even if you're the kind of person who walks under ladders on point of principle, or laughs their socks off when friends touch wood, you can bet that, when your wedding day arrives, wild horses couldn't stop you from clutching something old and donning something blue. And that's just for starters. I guarantee that many of you wouldn't dream of seeing your fiancé on the morning of the wedding. And will you expect to be carried across the threshold? Of course you will!
But where do these old traditions come from? What Do The Mean?
Well, some can be traced back to Roman & Anglo Saxon times, some to Victorian rhymes and others to folklore that has been passed down through countless generations.
All of them are to do with bestowing good luck and fertility on the happy couple.
There are so many superstitions and traditions associated with Weddings that its impossible to follow them all. Many have changed over time, while others, thankfully, are very watered-down versions of old customs. (Could you imagine an attempt to kidnap your bride on your wedding day?)
The tradition of tying old shoes to the back of the Newlywed's car, as an example, stems from Tudor times when guests would throw shoes at the Bride & Groom, with great luck being bestowed on them if they or their carriage were hit!
In Anglo Saxon times the Bride was symbolically struck with a shoe by her Groom to establish his authority. Brides would then throw shoes at their bridesmaids to see who would marry next.
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Getting to the Church
Walking is thought to be the best way of getting to the Church, because there's more of a chance of spotting lucky omens. Seeing a rainbow, having sunshine on the bride, and meeting a black cat or a chimney sweep are all lucky. Of course you could run into some bad omens as well. Bad omens are considered seeing a pig, hare or lizard running across the road (not something we usually have to worry about) or seeing an open grave. Make sure you don't run into any Monks or Nuns either, because they foretell a life of barrenness and a life dependent on charity. Coming home from the church can be equally hazardous.
Wedding March
The traditional church wedding features two bridal marches, by two different classical composers. The bride walks down the aisle to the majestic, moderately paced music of the "Bridal Chorus" from Richard Wagner's 1848 opera "Lohengrin. The newlyweds exit to the more jubilant, upbeat strains of the "Wedding March" (From Felix Mendelssohn's "A Midsummer Night's Dream.")
The custom dates back to the royal marriage, in 1858, of Victoria, princess of Great Britain, and Empress of Germany, to Prince Frederick William of Prussia. Victoria, eldest daughter of Britain's Queen Victoria, selected the music herself. A patron of the arts, she valued the works of Mendelssohn and practically venerated those of Wagner. Given the British penchant for copying the monarchy, soon brides throughout the Isles, nobility and commoners alike, were marching to Victoria's drummer, establishing a Western wedding tradition.
Readings
Your officiant may give you a selection of ideal readings from which to choose, or you may choose, or you may choose from a wider range. You should carefully read the choices you have and decide which fit the way you see your relationship. Some hit hard on traditional roles, and that may or may not be what you want read at your wedding. Give readings some serious thought and discuss them with one another.
White Aisle Runner
The white aisle runner symbolized God's holiness and walking on holy ground. It is believed that marriage is not just between two individuals but includes the presence of God who is actively involved in the marriage ceremony.
Wedding Vows
Because he is the initiator, the groom is the first to state his vow for marriage. As the initiator of the covenant, the groom is to assume the greatest responsibility in the marriage.
Give these a "great" deal of thought and consideration. Whether you will be permitted to alter standard vows or write your own will vary with your particular situation and should be discussed with your officiant. They should be a statement of your goals together. Consider whether you want to use "man and wife" or "man and woman". Discuss the vows with one another in detail.
Marriage Rings
The marriage ring represents a promise for eternal and everlasting love. It is a representation of the promises joining both the bride and groom together. The wedding ring is placed on the fourth finger of the left hand because it was traditionally believed that this finger was a direct connection to the heart---the perfect place to place a symbol, representing eternal love and commitment.
The circular shape of the wedding ring has symbolized undying, unending love since the days of the early Egyptians. A primitive bride wore a ring of hemp or rushes, which had to be replaced often. Durable iron was used by the Romans to symbolize the permanence of marriage. Today's favorite is of course, gold, with it's lasting qualities of beauty and purity.
In ancient times, when life was much harder and oftentimes shorter, husbands practiced a superstitious ritual to ensure their wives spirits wouldn't leave too soon. The husband would wrap the bride's ankles and wrists with ropes of grass believing this would keep here spirit within her. Over the years, as religious beliefs evolved, the meaning (and material) of the bonds evolved as well. Today, brides thankfully don't bind their wrists and ankles, only their ring fingers, and grooms have adopted the practice as well. The grass gave way first to leather, then stone, then metal, and finally, to gold and silver. Today, the rings symbolize the love and bond between husband and wife.
Yours may be a double ring ceremony or a single ring ceremony where only the bride receives a wedding ring. This is a matter for discussion between the two of you. Most of the time there is some sort of blessing for the wedding rings. You may talk to your officiant about whether or not you want to use the symbol of water as part of this blessing or not. In a Jewish ceremony, the bride's ring is placed on the index finger of her right hand. The ring is a symbol of wholeness, unity and eternity.
Seating
In ancient days, fathers would offer daughters as peace offerings to warring tribes. Because of the hostility, the families were placed on opposite sides of the church so the ceremony could go on without bloodshed. The ceremony united the two warring factions into on family, and danger of war was resolved.
Giving Away The Bride
In Old Times, female children were deemed to be the property of their fathers. When it came time for the daughter to marry and her father approved of the arrangement, he was actually transferring ownership of his daughter to the groom. Today, it is seen as symbolic of the blessings and support of her union as a promise of continued trust and affection. Often when the question is asked by a clergy during the ceremony, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man," the father's response is, "Her mother and I."
Taking Each Other's Right Hand
The open right hand is a symbol of strength, resource and purpose. The coming together of both right hands is a symbol that both the bride and the groom can depend on each other and the resources that each brings to the marriage. It also represents the merger of their lives together into one.
Gifts Of Flowers
Often flowers or a single rose are given each of the mothers during the ceremony. This can be extended to include grandmothers, step mothers and even godmothers if you so desire. In the Roman Catholic Church, Some brides follow old tradition of placing a bouquet of flowers in front of a statue or picture of Mary.
Unity Candle
The unity candle is a symbol of family unity if you plan to include a unity candle, consider what you want it to symbolize. The individual candles can be lit by the two of you, by your mothers, by your families, or by your children from previous marriages. Once the center candle is lit, decide if the individual candles will remain lit or blown out. This depends on what you want to signify. Blowing them out can indicate that you have become one and leaving them lit can be a sign that even as you commit to becoming one, you still retain your individuality. It is something that could initiate some discussion between the two of you. You may also want to discuss it with your church to use a unity candle, you may purchase one or decorate your own center candle in a way that is significant to the two of you.
Arch Of Swords Following Ceremony
Walking through the arc of swords following the ceremony was done to ensure the couple's safe passage into their new life together.
Communion
Whether Communion is a part of your ceremony, and whether it will involve just the couple, be open to all or be limited to members of your religion, will be a matter to be decided upon by the couple of your officiant. Find out in advance so that if Communion is limited, you can put a note in the ceremony program to let people know what to expect. Giving advance notice helps people feel more comfortable and it's a matter of courtesy. If you are having a non-denominational service, you may elect to have a breaking of bread and sharing of bread and wine in place of a regular communion service. The use of bread and wine as wedding symbols goes back to ancient times.
Blessings
Friends can get involved in the ceremony by writing out special blessings and reading them.
The First Kiss
No ceremony is complete without the exchange of the kiss between the bride and groom. In fact, there was a time when an engagement would be null and void without one. Dating back from early Roman times, the kiss represented a legal bond that sealed all contracts.
The kiss that seals the wedding is much more than a sign of affection. It has long been a token of bonding - the exchange of spirits as each partner sends a part of the self into the new spouse's soul, there to abide ever after.
As a sign that the agreement has been sealed. For many guests, it is the highlight of the ceremony.
INTERNATIONAL TRADITIONS
Holland and Switzerland a pine tree, a symbol of fertility and luck, was once planted outside a new couple's home.
South Africa, both bride's and groom's parents carried a fire from the hearths of their own homes and took this fire to the new couple's home to begin the fire in their home.
Armenia, two white doves were set free to symbolize love and happiness.
Bermuda, wedding cakes are a multi-level fruitcake and included a small cedar tree on top. This tree was planted and is supposed to grow with the love of the bride and groom.
Japan, brides change their bridal attire several times throughout the wedding day. Also, ducks or a goose and gander were included in the processional because they mate for life and are a symbol for fidelity.
England, the bride wouldn't allow her married name to be used before the wedding for it was considered bad luck.
Italy, the groom's tie was cut into pieces and sold to the guests at the reception. The money earned is used for the honeymoon. Flowers decorated the front of the bridal car in Italy so that the bride and groom would have happy travels throughout life together. Italian folklore called for the groom to carry a piece of iron in his pocket on his wedding day to ward off the evil eye. The bride, of course, would wear a bridal veil to conceal her from evil spirits. In present day, the couple shatters a glass or vase at the end of the ceremony and the number of pieces represents the number of years of happy marriage. Many couples also release white doves to symbolize their love and happiness.
Poland, guests paid to dance with the bride and this money is used for the honeymoon.
Spain, During the reception wedding guests dance a special dance and then present gifts to the bride.
American, an early custom---the bride pinned a small pouch to her wedding petticoat. This pouch contained a small piece of bread, cloth, wood and a single one-dollar bill. This ensured that there would be enough food, clothes, shelter and money for the future couple.
Korea, Wedding ducks are a symbol for a long and happy marriage. Cranes are a symbol of long life and may be represented on the woman's sash.
Native American wedding ceremony, water is used as a symbol of purification and cleansing. The bride and groom have a ceremonial washing of hands to wash away past evils and memories of past loves.
Philippines, at a certain point during the ceremony, a ceremonial veil is placed over the groom's shoulders and the bride's head. This symbolizes the unity of the two families into one and is also a prayer for health and protection for the couple during their married life. (The largest introduction I've performed into a wedding reception was 69 during a Philippine reception.)
Mexican, during the wedding ceremony, a lazo, or large rosary, is draped around the bride and groom while they are kneeling at the altar. Padrinos, two special relatives the couple has chosen as additional "sponsors" of their wedding (in addition to their parents of course) may also present them with coins (for prosperity), a Bible and a rosary during the ceremony. After the ceremony, lucky red beads are sometimes tossed at newlyweds. And a beautiful reception tradition has all the guests during the couple's first or last dance create a heart shaped circle around them.
Flowers are a big part of wedding ceremonies and receptions. The groom is supposed to wear a flower that appears in the bridal bouquet in his button hole. This stems from the medieval tradition of a knight wearing his lady's colors to declare his love.
Ukraine, a mock capture of the bride is carried out at wedding receptions to remind everyone present of the many times their homeland was invaded. And instead of cake, Ukrainian couples share korovai, a sacred wedding bread decorated with symbolic motifs that represent eternity and the joining together of two families.
Scotland, usually about a week before the nuptials, the bride's mother may hold a show of presents for her daughter where all wedding presents that have been received are shown unwrapped and assembled. The gifts are set out with the card of the gift giver. Invitations are to an open house, and this gives the bride and bridal party a chance to get acquainted with the guests before the wedding. After the show of presents, the bride is dressed and garnished in over-the-top costumes, and she may be given things like a baby doll to carry in her arms. Now dressed up, the bride is taken out by her friends around town. The women make plenty of noise by singing and banging pots and pans to herald the bride's status.
Egypt, families, rather than grooms propose to the bride and many marriages are arranged. Also in Egypt, the zaffa, or wedding march, is a musical procession of drums, bagpipes, horns, belly dancers and men carrying flaming swords; it's a bright, colorful and musical way to announce the marriage is about to begin. I think that's a custom we should start in the states!
Czech Republic, friends sneak into the bride's yard to plant a tree and decorate it with ribbons and painted eggshells. Legend says the bride will live as long as the tree. Also, brides in the countryside carry on the very old custom of wearing a rosemary wreath, which symbolizes remembrance. Her friends as a wish for wisdom, love and loyalty weave the wreath for the bride on the night before her wedding.
Yemen, the bride's female relatives prepare all the food, including small-sweetened fritters, which promise a sweet life for the newlyweds and all who partake. The entire community is invited to join the celebration. Playing music to "gladden the bride and groom" is a sacred duty, so not only do professional musicians play, but performers and guests take turns with the instruments as well!
Germany, during the ceremony, when the couple kneel, the groom may kneel on the bride's hem to show that he'll keep her in line. Then, the bride may step on his foot as she rises to reassert herself.
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LAST UPDATED:
July 9, 2007
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